confession

I feel sad and I shouldn’t be.

I feel like I’m the only one in this relationship. What have you done to show me that you love or appreciate me, make me feel special?

I try my best to show you that I love you, surprise you, think of you. Today, I texted you a simple stupid emoji. Crickets. No response. Yet you have the time to respond to other’s group messages and Facebook post. How do you think that makes me feel? What kind of message does that send to me?

It just reminded me how sad I am feeling like I’m the only one in this relationship. It sucks because I love you and  I’d do anything to show you everyday how special you are to me, yet to me a simple goodnight or a 😘 means the world to me and you still haven’t figured it out.

You don’t text me like you used to. I realize I’m the only one that ever says I love you first, and your response is reactionary. I love touching you and making love to you, but i feel that I am alone in that sense. Always initiating, makes me feel I’m not good enough or wanted in that sense.

I feel we worked so hard to understand each other yet we are still in a place where “this is how I love” and “this is how you love” when we should be just loving each other.

I know how you are, but do you know how I am? If so why can’t you see I’m sad? If you can see that I am sad, why is it so hard to make me happy.

You may be reading this with defenses up already analyzing this whole text before finishing it.

At the end of the day, I’m still the same person who fell in love with you from the first day I laid eyes on you.  I’m striving hard to change together not apart, but I realize I can’t do that if I am the only one willing to.

It’s difficult to feel loved when one can’t see it, hear it, or feel it. All I have is blind faith. You of all people should know that faith is sometimes not enough, there needs to be tangible evidence, likelihood, proven results. I do not want your  love to be a religion, I want it to be a science. Proven by facts learned through experience (experiments and observation).

Love is not about tradition or social norms, is about making those you love feel special and appreciated.