The Four Components of Emotional Intelligence and How I Use Them

By Dru Macasieb

Do you think you are emotionally intelligent? I used to think I was very emotionally intelligent, that is, until I truly learned what being emotionally intelligent is. Emotional intelligence is the ability to be self-aware of your emotions, be able to manage them through self-regulation, the ability to be socially aware of the emotions of others (empathy), and to manage relationships with others through social interaction (Cherry, 2018). This blog will discuss my past and current understanding of each component of emotional intelligence

Self-Awareness

The first component of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. Self-awareness is the ability to knowledge and comprehends one’s emotion and to be able to anticipate emotional reactions before they arise (Mayer 2018). In my early years, I thought to be emotionally self-aware was merely acknowledging what emotions I was feeling. I did not realize that being emotional self-aware also meant comprehending my emotions and being able to anticipate how I would feel.

Self-Regulation

The second component of emotional intelligence is self-regulation. Emotion regulation is the ability to control and manage one’s emotions appropriately (Pogosyan, 2017). Emotions can hijack the mind and create automatic responses, like closing the eyes during a scary movie. However, sometimes a trigger can become so strong that the emotional response hijacks the mind that forces us to act in an irrational manner which we would later regret. This is known as the phenomenon of amygdala hijacking and, in the past, I was very prone to it thinking that my actions were natural therefore justified. Now, I practice mindfulness which allows me to be self-aware and control my emotions minimizing the likelihood of emotional outbursts.

Social Awareness

The third component of emotional intelligence is social awareness. Social awareness is the ability to empathize with others, taking into account social and ethical norms (“Social Awareness,” 2018). Before I truly understood what emotional intelligence was, I thought I had a high degree of emotional intelligence because I got along with a lot of people and had a lot of friends. Then, when I learned about emotional intelligence and the idea of social awareness, I found that in my younger years, I poorly empathized with others because I often avoided situations in which people need a shoulder to cry on because I did not know what to do or say. What I have learned now, is that having lot of friends does not make one emotional intelligent. But being able to be there for others, seeing and feeling things through their perspectives, is what makes a person social aware, thus increasing one’s emotional intelligence.

Relationship Management

The fourth component of emotional intelligence is relationship management. Relationship management is being able to manage social interactions with others successfully (Lelaine, 2015).

It means to be able to behave in ways the foster good relationships and outcome with others. In the past, I used to avoid people with drama. I was not the friend to go to when you go through heartache, stress, and other emotion challenged. I simply avoided the topic or even them. I was too afraid to provide advice and I didn’t want to be in a situation that was awkward or uncomfortable. After learning about emotional intelligence and how relationship management is necessary to developing meaningful relationships, I have overcome my fear of social interaction with regards to discussing emotional challenges with my friends. I have begun to actively empathize with them, taking j to consideration their feeling and accommodating to their needs. This has helped me develop more meaningful relationships and now my family and friends are closer to me more than ever.

Conclusion

Developing each component of emotional intelligence is necessary to be an emotionally stable person and is also necessary for creating meaningful relationships. Self-awareness is being mindful of who you are and the emotions that you have. Self-regulation is being able to control your emotions so that you don’t behave irrationally when faced with strong emotional stimulates. Social awareness is being related well with others and empathize with them. Lastly, relations management is the ability to interact with others appropriately, taking into consideration their emotions and accommodating to them in order to foster stronger relationships.  By continuously developing emotional intelligence we seek continuous improvement in ourselves as well as the relationships around us.

References

Cherry, K. (2018 June 06). 5 components of emotional intelligence. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/components-of-emotional-intelligence-2795438

Mayer, G. (2018, May 03). Emotional intelligence: 10 ways to improve your self awareness. Retrieved from https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/28823-emotional-intelligence-10-ways-to-improve-your-self-awareness

Pogosyan, M. (2017, September 14).  3 was to regulate your emotions. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-cultures/201709/3-ways-regulate-your-emotions

Social Awareness, (2018, March 23). Retrieved from https://www.landmarkoutreach.org/strategies/social-awareness-sel/

Lelaine, R. (2015, April 9). Relationship management an emotional intelligence imperative. Retrieved from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/relationship-management-emotional-intelligence-imperative-riche/

 

Author: Dru Macasieb

Hi, I'm Dru. I am a a life-long learner, educator, web designer, and entreprenur. I am a US Army veteran, business professional, and I currently work in higher education. Academically, I have holds a BA in Liberal Studies, BS in Web Design and Development, an MBA, and MA in Organizational Leadership. He is currently facinated with AWS, UX/UI, and Dropshipping.

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