Silent Treatment

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By Dru Macasieb

I am filled with anger,
sadness and despair
Because the one that I love,
Is saddly never their.

I am such a fool,
To hope he’ll awake,
But it seems he’s a coward
Who takes and takes and takes.

Inside I’m slowly dying
while waiting for a cure
the more this place is silent
the less his allure

The Imperfect Dilemma Part 2

“You are a great friend.” That’s what we keep telling ourselves. But deep, down beneath the surface of our skins, we know it our bones that there is something between us that blurs the lines between lovers and friends.

Both of us think that this is just our imagination, and we create excuses and phony circumstances to avoid the awkward situation that will inevitably dawn upon us. Must we play this love game? Neither of us is willing to submit to our heart’s desires because doing so we believe will weaken our image. But in all actuality, it will strengthen our souls. If only we could swallow our pride and let our hearts speak, then maybe we can overcome the awkwardness.

But I understand nothing comes without a price.  You know as well as I do that this option won’t be pretty, as hearts will get broken, and friendships will be torn. But would you rather continue loving each other behind prison glass, constrained by the barriers that limit us? Or would you rather break these prison walls and burst with emotions that flourish with vivid colors and bright flashes of warm lights?

The burden is on both our shoulders. In one had we can remain still, stagnant in this silent torture. On the other hand we can create chaos and see how far and where it’ll take us. It’s a risk, but everything in life is a risk. The choice is yours I’ve made mine. But I won’t tell you what it is.

This is our perfect dilemma.

Perfect Situation, Imperfect Intentions

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Why do I torment myself? I am with a person who loves me. He’s good looking, fit, classy, considerate, kind, funny, and sweet. He works hard, is college educated, knows how to cook, knows how to please, know his own limits, and he behaves well in public. Did I mention his smile? Its perfect in every way. He also dresses sharp, and his is hygiene great. At times he complains about me, and I may piss him off every now and then but at the end of the day he forgives me. I go out and party like there’s no tomorrow, while he sleeps at home all alone. But when I get home, instead of hating me for being gone, he is loving me for being safe.

He is the perfect guy.

And that is my problem.

How can I live, be free, explore, if I cannot get pass his perfection? Many may believe that I don’t need to be free or explore, as I have what every gay man wants, the perfect guy. But I must be messed up in the head because I hate perfection. With perfection there is no room for improvement, which leads to a boring and stale life.

“Then why don’t you break up with him?”

Easier said then done. I can’t let go of perfection because (1) its rarely comes; and (2) I’ve been with perfection for so long that I am afraid of life without it. There was a point, this year when I wanted to leave this perfect life, but Mr. Perfect said and did the perfect things, and I perfectly fell back in his arms.

Maybe I’m just feeling emo or I just need a break. Or Maybe I’m just waiting for the imperfect guy to come and sweep me away and create chaos in my life.

Nevertheless I’m here, in a perfect situation, with imperfect intentions.

Tragic Blessing

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I am sorry for making you second-guess my feeling towards you. The truth of the matter is I am far from perfection.  I eat, drink, and breathe, but not perfectly. Instead I leave crumbs, spill on occasion, and sometimes gasp for air. My love is here but not perfect. I write eloquently but speak inarticulately. I am a hot-mess in a cold night. I am your tragic blessing.

My Love, My Hun

Today the ex-wife came to visit our son Boo Boo. It seems that every time I see her she gets prettier and prettier. It’s funny how things can change so drastically. One day you’re living a straight life, and then next thing you know you’re in gay relationship complicated by scandalous drama.
People often ask me, why I changed from living a straight life to a gay one. They couldn’t understand the choices I had made. The ones that knew Gladys and I were in disbelief because I had everything a guy could want in a relationship: beauty, class, and commitment. My answer to their question is that love is not a choice. You cannot chose who you fall in love with, but with rather love chooses you. I think the fallout between Gladys and I was unfortunate because we were truly happy together. But although unfortunate, I have no regrets because we still have each other. I like that fact that we both lived the dream, and now we are both living completely separate lives, and exploring the many things life has to offer. Every time we see each other and trade our life’s stories, we are always amazed about how different we now are, yet our minds are still riding the same wave lengths. 


Gladys has been, and is still is a true honor and blessing in my life. I will never forget the unforgettable memories we’ve made and hopefully we’ll continue to make more. I never thought I would have the life I have now (one that is without her as my center piece), but sometimes life just works that way. Does she ever cross my mind? All the time. I am just glad I can be truly open and honest with her. 


I love my life now. Although now its filled with drama, scandal, and randomness, I love it because it keeps me at the edge my seat. Right now I am with David, who loves more than words can describe. But I am gonna save that story for another blog. 🙂